Riley participates in a Poop Exchange Program.

I honestly believe that's true. I mean, I make it a point to pick up all of her deuces, no matter where we are, even if she drops in our own yard. It's just good manners. But there's a dog around here that's leaving deuces left and right, on our lawn and on neighboring lawns.

I'm just afraid that people will think it's Riley, because these poops are of a comparable size to her own donations to the Earth. Also, I tend to walk Riley in broad daylight, which may encourage suspicions that she's the only dog that exists on the block (never mind that I'm always carrying neon-orange pickup bags). Nevertheless, there are shits aplenty that aren't getting picked up, and I don't want Riles to get framed.

Seriously... I think we have a Phantom Pooper, and I think I know who it is. I have a strong feeling that it's the Shih-tzu (God, I hope I spelled that correctly) that lives next door with Queen Nosy-As-Shit and King Barely-Functioning-Alcoholic. Not only do they annoy me, but they sent both of their kids to Clown College. F them in the A.

Anyway, this little dog, who shall remain nameless, as he is but a blameless pooch, is almost never on a leash, and more than once, my Mom has had to help its stupid owners when they come knocking on the door to casually state that the dog has run off, and could we help? The dog will often be in my way, crossing the road to get back to his house (no doubt after leaving another phantom crap in another neighbor's yard), and I have to stop completely so as not to run him over, while the owner pays much more attention on watering her plants.

I don't want to even go into the whole garbage bin incident, or else blood will come trickling down my ear.

For real, is there an HRS or DC&F type of agency that I can call to rescue this dog from its ignorant owners? At the very least, it might stop the dog crap from magically appearing next to my Mom's car...