Saturday, June 18, 2005

Riley participates in a Poop Exchange Program.

I honestly believe that's true. I mean, I make it a point to pick up all of her deuces, no matter where we are, even if she drops in our own yard. It's just good manners. But there's a dog around here that's leaving deuces left and right, on our lawn and on neighboring lawns.

I'm just afraid that people will think it's Riley, because these poops are of a comparable size to her own donations to the Earth. Also, I tend to walk Riley in broad daylight, which may encourage suspicions that she's the only dog that exists on the block (never mind that I'm always carrying neon-orange pickup bags). Nevertheless, there are shits aplenty that aren't getting picked up, and I don't want Riles to get framed.

Seriously... I think we have a Phantom Pooper, and I think I know who it is. I have a strong feeling that it's the Shih-tzu (God, I hope I spelled that correctly) that lives next door with Queen Nosy-As-Shit and King Barely-Functioning-Alcoholic. Not only do they annoy me, but they sent both of their kids to Clown College. F them in the A.

Anyway, this little dog, who shall remain nameless, as he is but a blameless pooch, is almost never on a leash, and more than once, my Mom has had to help its stupid owners when they come knocking on the door to casually state that the dog has run off, and could we help? The dog will often be in my way, crossing the road to get back to his house (no doubt after leaving another phantom crap in another neighbor's yard), and I have to stop completely so as not to run him over, while the owner pays much more attention on watering her plants.

I don't want to even go into the whole garbage bin incident, or else blood will come trickling down my ear.

For real, is there an HRS or DC&F type of agency that I can call to rescue this dog from its ignorant owners? At the very least, it might stop the dog crap from magically appearing next to my Mom's car...

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Second Audio Post!

The concept behind this is just too overwhelming for me...
this is an audio post - click to play
My God... Do I actually sound like this? Why didn't somebody tell me???








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First Audio Blog!

this is an audio post - click to play
woot!

Technology rulz!!!




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Thursday, June 09, 2005

And now, the Dangerously Small Caucasian Head Next to the Conspicuously Huge Asian Cranium.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
"Heed! Pants! Now!"
Told you guys I was scared to post this. I'm going away now.

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Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Big day.

So, I turned in my letter of resignation today, with little fanfare. The Hebrew Hammer offered me five bucks to "ruin" my supervisor's lunch by barging into her office with my letter. Ten if I galloped in with my best Happy Gilmore "happy place" midget impression. I declined on both counts.

My supervisor was actually pretty cool about it, even stating that "although we really need people like you in the field, we don't need you getting burned out and hating it." Which is exactly why I'm taking a break from it in the first place.

LoLo wants dibs on my office. Talk about blood in the friggin' water! I might as well paint the office walls with a fresh coat of chum.

I also managed to get the blessed mercy of both J.Co and my supervisor, and was allowed to leave work early so I could haul ass to the airport to meet up with Stumpy. That was fabulous. Five years of not seeing each other culminates in an hour and a half of utter happiness and silliness in the confines of the airport T.G.I.Fridays. Suffice it to say, the phrases "are nuts optional?", "filthy whore," "Oh my God, I look like my mother!", "anal probe," and dozens of other gems were used quite generously in that ninety minute span. We really scared the elderly airport crowd at Airside E. Too bad I don't have any video tape.

I would post a picture from our mini-reunion, but Stump has a dangerously small Caucasian head, which makes mine look gigantor in comparison. Forget that shit. But damn her for still being fucking gorgeous. I'm going to go hide in my little Asian cubby now.

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