Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Tagged. Like a little Bitch. Again.

And now, as is my duty, I present to you my Report on 7 Songs I am Into Right Now:

"Trogdor," by Strongbad. Since Ben has been catching up on all seasons of Buffy, the reference to Trogdor in Season 7 made me all nostalgic. Besides, there's nothing wrong with "burninating the countryside." Or the peasants, for that matter.

"Curiosity," by the Jets. Yes, you'd think that maybe "Crush On You" or "You Got It All" would be the more popular choice in my noggin. However, recently, I've become quite nostalgic about the first nine years of my life, and how much I did enjoy that pink "Jet Set" jogging suit I had when we lived in Jersey, and my brother had the 12" single of this song. Does this bring down the man-quotient of said brother, now decidedly not a fan of the Jets? All systems go on that one.

"Jealousy," by Liz Phair. Oh, let us hearken back to high school, shall we? No, the real reason I queued this song up again recently was there was a whole internal debate on whether what I was feeling was jealousy or anger. After identifying the source of this wayward emotion, and listening to this song a couple of times, I decided it was anger. Pure, unadulterated anger. Thank goodness for that, huh?

"Rump Shaker," by Wreckx-N-Effect. Maybe it's the hypnotic sax in the background. Maybe it's the unabashed use of thongs. More likely it's Spring Break time in these parts, and for some reason, I always think of this song when Spring Break rolls around. Damn you, MTV marketing! For now, all I want to do is zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoom and a boom-boom! Fuckers!

"Going Out Of My Head," by Fatboy Slim. I've been talking to Stumpy a bit recently, and this song always reminds me of her. Several years ago, on Valentine's Day, I took the boys with me to go see her and my old roommate D's dance troupe perform. Of course, the piece Stump was in involved several female dancers dressed up in Prohibition-era looking outfits, who, upon hearing this song, lose their minds, strip off their clothes, and start dancing around poles. By their own admission, this added up to the boys' best Valentine's Day ever.

"Cool Rider," by Michelle Pfeiffer off the Grease 2 Soundtrack. I can't believe I'm actually telling you this. Oh wait, yes I can. I got stuck in another Grease 2 craving cycle. This time around, it was this, "Girl for All Seasons," and "Charades" (wtf?). It's been an interesting couple of weeks. All I can say is that at least it wasn't a Rex Manning moment. I'm saving that for next month.

"Do Somethin'," by Britney Spears. You didn't think you could escape a list from me without a Britney reference, did you? Oh, how I miss old, non-bald, non-crazy Britney. But that's neither here nor there. Thinking about it just wastes too much of my energy. The reason this song has been on repeat lately is because it's the assigned ringtone for my little sister. And the way it came to pass is actually quite funny to me. Want to hear about it? Too bad, because here it goes:

About two years ago, right before Christmas, Lil' E was in town, and we went out to dinner with Danhole. On the way back from dinner, I have this song playing. Lil' E starts bopping around to it, and says she likes it, which is a rarity, because our musical tastes don't often intersect. This is even more surprising, because she does not have the patience for anything Britney or otherwise pop-related that I have. Pleased with this, I play it for her again, and she's singing along, dancing around in her seat. She finally asks "Who is this?" and without hesitation, I say, "Britney!" quite amused. E, on the other hand, falls very silent for the rest of the ride. Insert a Dave Chappelle "Gotcha, bitch!" here.

And there you have it. I can't think of anyone else to tag, since they've already been, other than Danhole. And the chances of him actually doing it are slim, since the last time he blogged was back in the way back. Which, of course, was a long friggin' time ago. Dammit!

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Sunday, February 25, 2007

You're on the ride. You might as well open your eyes.

Go ahead, raise your hand if you know this one. Anyone.



Anyone but Dan, who damn sure already knows it.



Anyone?


Oh, for the love of Heart-Kun, people!


Photobucket
Heart-Kun is not angry. No, he is merely...disappointed.


You all suck.

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Monday, February 12, 2007

I always ruin things.

Okay, thought of something to write about.

The other day, Ben and I were at the Dirt Mall. Apparently, at the Dirt Mall way south of us that we never go to, they now have a little stage for either a live band, or... wait for it... karaoke.

I know, it's blowing your mind, the possibilities. I just heard Danhole's head exploding somewhere north of here.

Anyway, I think they were doing karaoke when we were there that afternoon. Either that, or their cover band sucks total ass. Regardless, there was a lady on stage, doing her rendition of "You Were Meant For Me," by Jewel.

I didn't particularly care for her take on the song, but it wasn't terrible; I'll give the woman credit, because she could carry a tune much better than I ever could. But, as I am wont to do, listening to a song, no matter the singer, took me back down Memory Lane. This time I went down that road to a simpler time, when Jewel was still living in her van, I wasn't up to my eyeballs in student loan debt, and no song could escape a rewrite by one or more of the Suspects.

Take, for example, "Santa Monica," by Everclear, which fell victim to myself and Amanda, aka the Sack, when we introduced the themes of a person's visage and the act of sitting into our new lyrics. I'm sure you can guess which words in the line "I am still dreaming of your face" were replaced in our version.

We did that shit all the time, mostly changing songs to be about sniffing glue, sexual innuendo, mad cow disease, and Sacky's half-Jew pride.

So, it should come to as no surprise to anyone that "You Were Meant For Me" did not escape this same fate. I shan't post the butchering we did to those two particular lyrics. But, I can at least tell you that one of the lyrics was modified along the lines of the Everclear one, and the part where she sings "I'm half alive, but I feel mostly dead" was, well, similar to the Everclear one as well. I guess some themes are more prevalent than others.


Heh-heh. Blog five!

Back to where I was originally going with this: we're walking through the Dirt Mall, and Ben puts his arms around me and stops to listen to the lady singing. As she's finishing the song, Ben leans in close and tells me that it's about us.

As romantic as the whole scenario was, what with us standing together in a sea of humanity, listening to a love song about people being meant for each other, all I could do was stand there, silently think about Jewel singing this song about oral sex instead, and burst out laughing. This effectively sucked any and all romance out of the Dirt Mall.

Needless to say, this required a maximum of explanation to effect a minimum of boyfriend ego bruising.

I told you I was always ruining shit!

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Monday, December 18, 2006

Holidaze.

I know, I've stooped to trite, pun-like depths. Leave me be.

Bless me, Blogger, for I have sinned. It has been two full weeks since my last post.

I'm so damned beat lately. Christmas shopping, trying not to explode at work, weekends blowing by, and coming to the realization that I want to be back in the mental health profession yesterday will apparently do that to you.

I'm feeling really random this evening. My apologies in advance.


Darth Graduate layeth down the law: No Bike Parking.

I had to bring back the above classic from the "Star Whores" photoshoot, December, uh, '99? Shit. I need to sit down and think about that for a second.

Holy crap, that was back before Danhole had his hippie hair, and random 16 year olds in Buffy chatrooms would tell me that they wanted to eat him. Wait, was that revealing too much?


Danhole: described as "Yummy" by 45% of the readership of Tiger Beat, and 67% of the readership of Confessions of Lonely Househusbands.

Dear God, Christmas is a friggin' week from now. Have I done all my shopping? You bet your ass I haven't!

Sorry. It just seemed appropriate.

Now, I shall let your agony end and go to bed. Random, nonsensical posts make me sleepy.

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Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Sorry...

But it had to be done.

You are officially "On Notice":

Don't make the Colbert angry...

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Wednesday, October 11, 2006

As strong as Cena.

So, there was this conversation the other day regarding the strength or intensity of... well, something. And the other participant in this conversation described something as "Cena strong," as in John Cena, the professional wrestler.

I know. Lots of wrasslin' in this blog as of late. Although, I have always preferred to refer to it as "homoerotic grappling," or "Danhole's soaps."

This got me to thinking: exactly how strong is "Cena strong?" Barring any further viewing of actual wrasslin' matches, I procured the following:



If the preceeding is any indication of the intensity of anything, I think I shall conclude that Cena strong, is indeed, pretty strong. And slightly comical. And worthy of carrying around a spinner-riffic championship belt. Perhaps I should rethink this.

Please excuse this entire post, as apparently, I have been sampling too many perfumes at once.

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Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Little Asian dudes.

Today is my dear friend Timothy's birthday. It is also my little man Ryan's birthday. Tim, I think you are about twenty years older than Ryan. Does that make you feel exceptionally old?


Yes, that Ryan of "removable fingertip trick" fame!

Ah, probably not. I'll bet Tim is sitting somewhere in China, working and not giving a shit.

Anyway, I just wanted to show both birthday boys some love on their day. Not that I expect that Tim even bothers reading this anymore, nor do I expect Ryan to read this, because frankly, I'd kick his ass if I found him on the computer looking at this drivel. Shouldn't he be out in the pool, training to become a Navy SEAL? After all, isn't that what he said he wanted to be when he grew up? Of course, he said this three years ago, but who keeps track, really? I need to talk to his mother about this.


"Oooh...Navy SEALs!"

Sorry. But you knew I wouldn't be able to help myself!

Next up: Danhole explains to everyone what the hell he means when he talks about "sexlifting," and maybe, if you're all really lucky, I'll tell you about my awesome weekend.

Well, at least I can tell you it consisted of the following: football, stuff, and things.

Chris, showing off his "jazz hands" whilst being pursued by some dude who plays for a team named after a nickname for menstruation (I know, the pic just begs to be Photoshopped).

Good Lord, there is such a charge of estrogen in this part of the post!

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Thursday, September 28, 2006

So, what do you do...

When you're inexplicably roaming a Wal-Mart near York, PA, it's two in the morning on a Thursday/Friday/Saturday, and you've already stocked up on all the clearance item winter clothing and DVDs of The Golden Child you can find?


You take pictures of stuffed animals in sexually suggestive positions, apparently.

The above is a result of too much time, too much caffeine, and Grant's obsessive love of the term "daisy chain." It was taken during my vacay last winter to lovely Vineland and EHT, NJ, and York, PA. After a blizzard, of course (whatever... the tickets cost me about a hundred bucks, and we had a fucking blast).

The sad thing is, I think I actually have video of us doing this very thing somewhere...

Go about your daily.

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