"I'm tired of being your little geisha!"

Yes, I sure am.

So, the other day, I was at work, trying not to die, and I heard a big, booming, friendly voice greet the inhabitants of the medical assistants' office.

Ah, drug rep, I thought. Possibly a hot one. I think it's time to go investigate.

Sure enough, there was a drug rep. And yes, he was hot. Obviously, I had to start talking to him. He was charming, funny, and easy to talk to... and at least this time, it only took me thirty seconds to find the wedding ring.

(For those of you waiting to make the snide comment about it taking me two weeks last time, shut the hell up.)

Our conversation shifted from talking about Depakote and any issues my kids might be having with it, to something cute a kid in his daughter's first grade class did for an art project. Oh yes, folks, once I find out you're not only married, but with children, I can make it seem like I knew it all along and wasn't the least bit disappointed to find out. But don't worry: I silently cry inside later on, all by myself. (Cue the music! And use the Eric Carmen version, not that Celine Dion crap.)

At one point, he was rolling with laughter at my witticisms, which included some reference to Kabuki theater (yes, I am that good). Then Sarah, who, rumor has it, this cute drug rep has a crush on, came into the office, so he disappeared into her office to talk shop. Pleased with my noncommittal banter, I went back to my office. As soon as I sat down, I heard another booming drug rep voice: this time, it was the voice of the lone Asian drug rep I've seen roam our halls. And not only is he Asian, but he's hot, too (in that Russell Wong sort of way. Rrrow).


Hi. I'm Russell Wong, and I'm one pissed off Asian in a t-shirt!

Of course, per a reliable source who shall remain nameless, this drug rep has some sort of psycho bitch girlfriend (ex?) who gives him nothing but grief, and he, too, apparently has a crush on Sarah. Oh, I could just kick someone!

Anyway, I've used my wit and sarcastic charm when speaking to this rep, too. And since he falls in the distinct category of "Don't even fucking bother," I find my cocky, assertive side comes out more when I speak to him.

I heard him offering to grab lunch for one of the med assistants (I really need to look into getting a job like that: going from office to office to exchange pleasantries, gossip, pimp out drugs, and give out food and pens). The med assistant stated that if he hadn't just come back from Subway, he'd take the rep up on his offer. The rep said, "Are you sure? I can always go out and get you something."

Cue the Recently Cocky Asian Girl, from stage left, who breezes into the room, smiles pleasantly at Hot Asian Drug Rep, leans in, and says, "Oh, you're going out to get something? How about something between 27 and 33, smart, funny, single, male, no baggage? Okay," she concludes, clapping her hands briskly, "Hop to it." Exit, stage left to a sharp intake of breath from said drug rep, followed by a drawn out "Wow."

Wow, indeed. Is any of this vitriol related to the fact that I've been listening to a lot of Tragic Kingdom lately? Maybe not. Maybe that has more to do with the "repeat" function than anything else.