What a bitchass.

Okay, so this has been bugging me since Christmas.

Remember that Fruity Pebbles commercial that always came on during the holiday season? You know, the one where (surprise) Barney tries to con his way into getting a bowl of Fruity Pebbles? Yeah, well I was thinking about it, out of nowhere, during the holidays. I think it had something to do with not having a chimney or some shit.

Anyway, I am full on remembering this commercial, and what Fred, Santa, and Barney are all saying. I remember that Barney, in pretending to be Santa to bogart said Pebbles, falls down the chimney, sees the Fat Man enjoying a bowl with Fred (what imagery, indeed!), and with great incredulity, exclaims, "Santa?! My Pebbles!"

Fred, of course, immediately retorts with, "Your Pebbles?!"

Santa, of course, is like fucking King Solomon (no babies were halved during the filming of this commercial... that I know of, anyway) and chastises Fred with, "'Tis the season to be sharing, Fred!" And then Fred, like a spineless fuck, hands Barney a bowl of his own.

WTF?

Sorry, honey, but your dad is a spineless sack of sh*t.

First of all, who is the friggin' freeloader that has to resort to disguises and trickery to get his mitts on a bowl of damned cereal? And who's so bold as to be doing the B&E during the holidays, with a bunch of carolers present? That takes some balls, I tell you!

And then Fred gets chastised? Who the hell is Santa to be throwing judgment around like dirty pennies? Hello, whose house just got busted into by a greedy whoremonger? Why doesn't Barney get a finger waved in his face, too? Show of hands, anyone?

Ah, well. I don't know why it had me so riled up. And for almost two weeks, even! I've got issues, no doubt.

Maybe I should try to decompress by fiddling with that facial recognition thing that compares your facial features to celebrities...

...fiddling...

Sweet! according to this, the "face recognition certainty" is as follows:
62% Zhang Ziyi
60% Aaliyah
51% Mariah Carey (only 10% of the "boob recognition certainty," however), and
49% Emma Watson (what?)

Okay. Definitely time for a beverage.