I got yer balls, RIGHT HERE!

I spent a lot of time today running around like an idiot. Then I didn't. Then when it came time for me to leave the house again, it started raining like crazy, so I couldn't get out. And the lightning spooked my dog a bit, but not nearly as much as the fireworks that shook the house a few hours later. I just got done calming the poor little one down.

Of course, that usually entails watching some Gator Football to take her mind off things. I'm not kidding. You may or may not already know that Riley enjoys L&O:SVU and Mississippi Burning (an odd combination, to be sure). And after the operation that allowed her to slut it up around town if she wanted to, we stayed in and she thoroughly enjoyed watching Crossroads (Britney, not Macchio).

Questionable choices aside, though, she does love her Gator Sports. So, to stop her from quivering with nervousness at the explosions, I turned on the replay of last year's UF vs. Kentucky game.

After a wondrous offensive show, there was a play where a young man named Eric Wilbur lowered his shoulder to stop an oncoming opponent. Nothing new to football, of course. But it reminded me of this particular moment with the same young man, almost two years ago:


"I break your back like so!"

Again, those of you unfamiliar with the Gator Nation say, nothing unusual for football. Lots of big hits, takedowns, crazy plays, what do you want us to do, give him a cookie?

Yes, because of all things, this dude is our punter!

(Cue Sandler's "The Lonesome Kicker.")

Granted, he's no Petro...

Hi, that would be me!

But he's taken a class or two in the Petro School of Special Teams Play. The kid's just got some balls, is all.

And speaking of, look what I found!

Surprisingly enough, not ball bearings. Those might be a tad more difficult to ingest.

Can't find the damned things at the grocery, but of course, the shit is all over the Internet (cue Jay saying "What the fuck is the Internet?" right now).

That's right. I'm all about Segue City right now.

And for the record, since viewing some football, Riley is no longer shivering nervously. She is shivering with excitement over kickoff coming in only a couple of months. Woot!

This concludes my crazy college football rant for the day. You may now go about your business. I, on the other hand, am off to search eBay for matching #12 jerseys for Riley and myself.