And now... a commercial break.
I hope this stays here forever (and ever!):
Friday, March 31, 2006
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
It's getting harder to stay incognito these days.
Sometimes, I see random shit, and I think to myself, "Boy, I wish I had a camera, or a tape recorder, or something to get this down." Like that time I was watching Garden State and I thought it would be a good idea to take a quick clip of the dog scratching itself while Large looked on in awe. Luckily, I had my camera phone at the time to record that classic moment for posterity (I actually still have it saved there for when I need a good laugh).
However, when it comes to covertly documenting craziness, it's getting tougher by the minute. A few years ago, camera phones were not as common, and holding one out three feet in front of your face to take a quasi-decent picture of something could be disguised as trying to decipher a hard-to-read screen, rather than focusing for a picture. These days, people are constantly taking videos and pictures with their cameras (the phenomenon of people taking pictures of themselves is especially amusing to watch), so I can't go around taking pictures of random shit on the fly anymore. Also, I find that trying to have my digital camera within easy reach is especially cumbersome, not to mention wholly unrealistic.
But, mark my words: I will do my best to keep the digital handy for the event of when I do get to photograph gay cowboys eating pudding, because then I can take the picture in sepia tones for that true "Gay Western" look!
Monday, March 27, 2006
Final Four! Dag, yo.
I haven't been around in a bit, because I've been caught up in all this basketball craziness. I only watch Gator games, as I support my alma mater wholeheartedly; and let me tell you, this season has been friggin' unbelievable!
I think it has a lot to do with the individual members of the team, as well. They're young, and they all look like they actually like each other. And they sure seem to have fun, as evidenced below:
(Apparently, the individual who was in charge of writing the captions was so excited about us going to the Final Four that he or she couldn't get the song title right. Also, apparently, we won the NCCA Regional Final. Ah, I know, I'm splitting hairs. I can't help myself. Oh, and yeah. "Doug Finger." Heh heh.)
You know, I can't pick the one element in this picture that is particularly goofier than the rest. Is it Horford cheerfully smiling with the net around his neck? The long-ass basketball shorts that look like crazy culottes? Noah's fashionable sock feet and too-small-for-his-cranium hat? Or could it be all of the above, plus the fact that Noah is happily singing his ass off to the Spice Girls whilst being carted around after beating a Number One seed?
Yeah, I'd pick "D," myself.
In case you forgot, this was Noah earlier in the evening, giving Lowry some of his knee to nibble on:
Do you suppose he has a soundtrack playing in his head while he's on the court? How do you think "Wannabe" figures into his rebound percentage? Oh, if there is a God above, please let Noah work "Sometimes" into his warm-ups!
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Happy Birthday, Danhole.
You ripe bastard. You'd better hope the boys win the game for your birthday.
Just kidding (about the bastard part; I mean, I know your parents were married before you were conceived, and all). But do have a great birthday!
Friday, March 24, 2006
Mercury is in retrograde, and that apparently makes me sound like a douchebag.
So, some weird shit happened tonight that I never would have expected. I'm not going to go into much detail; suffice it to say that I spoke, and was spoken to, quite uncharacteristically, and it left me feeling horrid.
After this event, I spoke with a friend of mine, who informed me that since Mercury is in retrograde, this is a time where all communication goes wonky. Now, mind you that I give whatever my friend says in this vein a lot of weight; when someone is pretty much 100 percent spot-on with everything she's ever said to you regarding your past, present, and future, and sometimes even the future of people she's never met, then yeah, I tend to give it some credence.
I actually had a much longer post regarding what happened earlier this evening, but I could not post it, as the connection to Blogger timed out over and over again. Apparently, I was not meant to post that longer diatribe. But I must say, I do feel slightly clearer after having typed it and let it go.
Fucking retrograde. Ruining it for everyone!
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Deep thoughts while tending to your cuticles.
Perla went to get a pedicure a couple of weekends ago, and being the dutiful daughter who wants to get one, too (and wants to get it paid for by said mother), I went along.
Going on Saturday morning excursions with my mom is always fun, because you have a set list of things to do, and she always gets distracted by signs that have the words "garage," "yard," "bazaar," "craft," or "fair" in them. Luckily, this particular morning, we left the house early enough to catch a couple of garage sales (it's so funny how judgmental she sounds when she quietly declares "They have nothing!" when we're getting back into the car) before heading into my mom's usual pedicure spot.
This place was run by a trio of siblings. The two sisters do the manicures and pedicures, and the brother does the custodial and maintenance work.
The sister who ended up doing my pedicure breezed in late with two frappucinos in her hands. She asked me if what she was doing hurt, and I told her it didn't. Then she said "beauty is pain" and kept filing. Made me kind of wary to let her around me with sharp objects, but luckily, the pain and horrible cliches were kept at that.
The one thing that really struck me as odd was the brother. There were three customers in the whole place, since it was relatively early on a Saturday. A lady was there who brought her little daughter along, and the daughter was being very good, playing quietly and talking with her mom. The brother/co-owner went over to the television and turned it to Kids' WB, presumably for this little girl. However, he proceeded to drop his mop and plopped himself into a chair, pushing himself forward so he was about six inches from the screen, and watched Pokemon.
I noticed little else until I heard him shout to the tele, "Use the combination attack, you stupid idiot!" quite emphatically. A few minutes later, I turned to see him shaking his head in disbelief. "He evolved. I can't be he evolved! He evolved!" I thought the kid was going to have a coronary.
Even the little girl turned around to look at him in disbelief.
Thankfully, his sister, who in my head I had already christened "Frenchie the Philosophe," managed to survive his outburst without slicing off one of my toes.
As Perla paid up front, I looked around at the individual manicurist stations. Apparently, Captain Custodial did pick up some of the slack, as he had his own permit at a station. Imagine my surprise when I leaned in to recognize the smiling face in the photo as "Pepe Tran."
Somehow, everything made sense at that point.
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Sweet Sixteen Bound!
Oh, this Madness is getting exciting. And Joakim is playing like a damned champ! I just had to post this picture, taken after the Gators won the SEC championship last weekend. Look at the freakin' wingspan on this monster:
"I...am all that is man!"
Off to watch Super Troopers and chug some maple syrup now.
Time to celebrate the Princess of Penguins!
I must send a Happy Birthday greeting to Lisa, the Princess of Penguins, who turns older today. This isn't the Lisa who made me my kickass handbag, or Lisa from armsweat, or Lisa Frank. Not even Lisa Whelchel, who I'd think might annoy me if I ever met her at this stage in the game.
No, this is Lisa, who molested my Darth Maul inflatable chair. My partner in the Oreo Madness Tag Team matches that went down every time we went to Friday's. My cohort on the short bus that carted around all the athletes and other injured or temporarily unable to haul ass across campus to get to class in the fifteen minute time limit when we were in college. We had a rollicking good time on that bus... more on that later.
Anyway, it's her birthday, so go out and adopt a penguin in her honor!
Friday, March 17, 2006
All work and no meat makes me a cranky little Asian.
Well, I guess you could replace the "meat" with "money," and it would make more sense.
It's been a long week. Our boss took the week off, which is funny, considering that all other requests for time off for the rest of this month have been put on the backburner, since our statistics are in such "dire straits" that we can't afford to have anyone out. We're still trying to save the asses of our counterparts in the "main office" a thousand miles away, so we're getting much of the calls they would get redirected to our lines. That's another funny thing, since we have a third of the staff they do, and we do five times the work, and we're still being counted on to pull their asses out of the fire. Helping them is what got us into these "dire straits"; when we have to do their work and our work, which is unevenly assigned, our work suffers, and drags our performance down.
This makes for some bitter-ass people muttering under their breath all day before putting on their smiling voices for the next call. All of this also conspires to create one raggedy week at the office, which I have come to fondly refer to as "The Seventh Layer of Hell."
"Thank you for calling the Seventh Layer of Hell. This is Sheila; How may I help you?"
Again, all praise be to the mute button.
I'm just glad this workweek is over. Now, on to more pressing things.
If you need me, I'll be curled up on the couch with the pooch, finishing off our self-imposed first season of Scrubs marathon. There will be no green beer, no corned beef and cabbage, and certainly no trips to the Old Dude Meat Market to meet up with older coworkers who think that going to such a horrid place with a parking lot full of Lincoln Towncars and old Chryslers is an acceptable idea for finding their "Mr. Right" at this long, late date.
Oh, hell no, my ass is going to enjoy free, safe entertainment, sans wrinkled, old, way past mid-life crisis balls, thank you very much!
Feel free to bring frozen treats suitable for both the lazy human and the lazy canine.
The Spawn of Patter.
That is the most clever-yet-somewhat-dirty-sounding way I can refer to Patterson. Yesterday was his birthday, but since the Great Blogger Debacle of '06 happened (many of you here are aware, I'm sure), I was unable to post my greetings until now. So, here's to the gent who Danhole fondly calls "Canteen Boy," and who nearly drove his roommates in college to homicidal acts when he left his computer locked while he was away for the weekend, and whilst it played the score to The Last of the Mohicans on repeat.
We salute you!
By the way, what do you get a guy for his birthday who already has his own water purification tablets and MREs? I mean, he gave me a camping shovel for my birthday. He is so hard to shop for!
By the way, it was also The Johnsonian's birthday, but I think I'm supposed to be keeping that on the down-low.
Friday, March 10, 2006
"Do you have a chicken for my table?"
Thought you'd rest easier knowing I'm eagerly working on getting the Havoc monkey off of my back. It's a slow and steady process, but in the end, I believe the results will be favorable.
It started the other day with the required (?) viewing of PD2, which treated me not only to the first stage of the Havoc cleansing, but also to some new eye candy:
"Oh, look! I'm sandwiched between two hot guys, and one of them's a Limey! Doesn't my life suck?!"
Next stop: Ella Enchanted. Maybe.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Because it's my aim in life...
To keep the Jerminator happy, click here.
I'm going to go add these jokers to the Jukebox O'Shenanigans now. Back later.
Monday, March 06, 2006
"I can't stop cryin'!"
Okay, so I never have to tell you again: don't see the straight-to-DVD debacle known as Havoc. When I saw that this movie starred Anne Hathaway and Freddie Rodriguez (!), I was all for it. Then I saw the part of the DVD jacket that stated that this was a role unlike Anne has ever played before, and I was even more for it.
But maybe that should've been my sign to walk away. Or maybe the fact that Bijou Phillips also got top billing should have been my cue to come away from the DVD (for some reason, I can't stand her, and I can't pinpoint why, so it's kind of irrational, but it's not, so leave me alone).
Anyway, let's just leave it at this: Don't see Havoc, unless you plan on spending the next few days trying to get the idea of Mia Thermopolis going topless and acting like a reject of the Hip-Hop Nation out of your head. Then, by all means, do it.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I have to go rent Royal Engagement. Christ.
Saturday, March 04, 2006
"Pepper needs new shorts!"
This is what happens when Dodgeball happens to be on when you're checking your mail:
"Effin' A, Cotton, eff-in a!"
I just needed a little gratuitous Pepper Brooks action, is all.
Go about your busy lives.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
No, no, no, no; don't phunk with my charts!
I have to give Jeffrey props for that one. That shit was hilarious. Granted, it took me nearly a year to give him his props, but I think he'll recover swiftly. I'll just throw a Buffy action figure at him. That should keep him plenty occupied.
So, over on Lengli's blog, she did this whole thing about songs from her senior year of high school. Not only did it 1) make me feel old as shit, but it also 2) inspired me to do something similar. Funny how the music theme has popped up in the last couple of weeks.I looked at the songs that debuted during my senior year in high school, but I also noticed that a good deal of them were more prevalent during the fall semester of my freshman year, so I ran with those, too. Anyway, here's my take on it. In no particular order. Just deal with it.
1.) Beastie Boys, "Sabotage" - Ah, Check Your Head and Ill Communication were two of the best albums to color the span of my life from 1992-1994. And "Sabotage" brings back the wondrous memories of the beginning of my freshman year, when the Wink Posse, newly formed Gainesville chapter, spent a good deal of time learning how to be in college (which was surprisingly a lot like being in high school, but with 90% less parents and a lot more local concerts).
The first week up there, we were putzing around on campus one evening, and the boys re-enacted a spirited rendition of the "Sabotage" video by bouncing off of buildings and rolling around everywhere. Glass, Lord bless his ever-loving soul, complete with blue fiberglass arm cast, decided to do his part by dropping and rolling on the ground by the Union... right onto a pile of dog shit. It took him a few moments to realize this, then he tried to start wiping it off with his non-casted hand. After that didn't work, he decided the best way to get rid of the offending stain was to turn his shirt inside out to wear it.
God bless that kid. Jesus.
After some convincing, Glass finally decided to make the walk home to shower and change. We gladly met up with him much later (and thankfully, staph free) at Denny's.
Someone remind me to dedicate a post to nothing but Glass one of these days. I miss that kid. Glass, if you're out there, dammit, send out the signal!
2.) Weezer, "The Sweater Song" - Ah, yes. The Blue Album. D-Rock and E-Money (aka Daria and Erika) performed this in our floor lounge during our Graham 2 Talent Show, I believe. My favorite line was (and still is) "Oh no/it go/it gone/bye-bye (bye!)" What can I say? I am just a simple creature. Glass would also sing this while he was washing all of our dishes in the floor lounge (did I mention he also held the title of "Official Graham 2 Do-Boy"? His mama must've been so proud).
3.) Violent Femmes, "Add It Up"- Yes, technically, this did not come out during that time, but I think that fucking album was one of the things that came with your course catalog, or something. They came and played at Florida Theater with G. Love and Special Sauce as their opening act. That concert fucking rocked. And my friend the free-love slut (something we would only discover much, much later, and much, much too late to salvage any of the boys who fell victim to her advances) caught Brian Ritchie's pick. Fucking whore. I've got nothing more to say about that.
(Oh yeah, there's a Glass story attached to this, too, but I'm saving that one for later.)
4.) Crystal Waters, "100% Pure Love." - So, every night, to keep myself grounded, I would call Patterson to go over our individual day's events. Eventually, I was not only calling to talk to him, but his roommate, who became my best guy friend for a long time. We thought it was funny when we could refer to this song and truthfully say "Hey, it's ten past midnight" when we were on the phone. Yeah, we were silly, but that shit was important to us. Patterson and I are still tight. That other guy? I think he's a doctor somewhere. He stopped talking to just about all of us when he was deep into med school, that fucker. No, I'm not angry.
5.) 12 Gauge, "Dunkie Butt" - There are memorable songs, and there are classics. You know, the ones with lyrics that are burned into your memories forever. "Give me that dunkie butt and them big ol' legs/I ain't too proud to beg," and "Let me ride that dunkie, dunkie" are bound to end up on someone's headstone somewhere. Just like the lyrics to "Imagine." I don't have any good stories to go with this; I just find it ridiculous that out of nowhere, I will find myself singing this at the most inopportune times.
6.) The Cranberries, "Linger" It's always great fun to change the lyrics of songs. Changing lyrics to songs by The 'Berries is no exception. My favorite parodies are singing "A-T-M... A-T-Mmmm, money, money, money-ey-ey!" to "Zombie," and "Did you have to pull my finger? Did you have to? Did you have to? Did you have to pull my finger?" to "Linger." In my addle-pated mind, I always think of that scene in that one episode of My So-Called Life where Angela's mom is talking to her in her room and mentions she likes the song that Angela is playing. All of Graham 2 would get together to watch MSCL for that one glorious season. And for a while, Sarah dated someone that looked like Krakow. That was kind of strange. I almost asked her why she didn't look for a Jordan, but I never did.
However, I'm sure that "Dreams" is playing during that scene. (Yes, I am still an MSCL dork.) Point is, the Cranberries always makes me think of that scene. Just like hearing "Late at Night" by Buffalo Tom makes me think of the scene where Jordan finally holds Angela's hand in public (Sigh.) Oh, Jordan. I just love how he leans.
"Is that five people?"
More to follow...
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